It's Okay to Ask for HelpDec 27, 2020
This morning I have been busy recording several short 10-minute classes featuring the yoga sutra from yoga psychology and happiness and life-skills from positive psychology, for my soul subscription community members.
If you've never heard of the yoga sutra, it is a foundational text of yoga (which has very little to do with yoga poses), all about HOW to transform the mind from anxious and distracted to focused and harmonious.
If you're not sure what positive psychology is, it is a branch of psychology that instead of having its attention on pathology, or how to feel less anxious or less depressed, its focus is on how to flourish and become happier.
Some people thrive and rise in life even despite setbacks, challenges, and massive adversity. I know because I am one of those people. I was born to homeless, alcoholic, and drug-addicted parents. My early life was absolute chaos and instability.
At the age of 24, I hit a personal bottom and turned a corner. I began learning and applying to my own life the same things I now teach other women who struggle with anxiety and self-doubt and who want to be happy and in control of their lives too.
I write a lot about my life story in my soon-to-be-released book If I'm So Spiritual, Why Am I So Anxious?.
What the research in positive psychology is finding is that happiness is actually a skill, not a trait we are either born with or not. Optimism, resilience, and grit are qualities we can learn and cultivate.
I spent many years trying to fix myself, but honestly, it really wasn't until I began to face myself that I began to heal. I learned how to develop qualities like courage, consistency, inner trust, optimism, and joy. And I learned how to talk to myself in a way that didn't let me off the hook to repeat old patterns, while at the same time enabled me to change my inner story.
Feeling less anxious is not the same thing as feeling happy. Feeling normal or baseline is not the same thing as feeling joyful and flourishing. That is why those of us who have been working on ourselves for a while can get frustrated when we still don't find the joy and inner freedom we really want. And it just so happens we might have been looking in the wrong direction.
When we get challenged we often only focus on what we can change externally. But the key to happiness and thriving is to change ourselves internally by transforming our perceptions, the meaning we give things, and the narrative of our life story.
When I was 26 years old I met a teacher who helped me change my life. When I was 33 I met another teacher who helped me change my life. When I was 39 I met yet another teacher who helped me change my life. And when I was 41 I met yet another teacher who helped me change my life.
A good teacher, mentor, or coach can help us see the blind spots. They can help guide us and save us time and suffering because they have already walked the path before us and they know a way out.
I share this because having a teacher, mentor or coach is probably the #1 pillar of my own transformation story. I honestly can't imagine how much longer it would have taken me to get where I am today without the right teachers in my life.
In our western culture, we are often taught to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We're told to be big girls and don't let anyone see us struggle. We are taught to be independent sometimes to our own detriment.
But we are actually interdependent. We are hardwired for connection, community, and support. We need each other. We need mentors. A person and also a community to whom we can be vulnerable, messy, and complex. and to still be loved and accepted.
We deserve that. We deserve to be truly happy. We are born to know our joy.
Day Nine, Happiness Booster
Invest in Yourself
Do you have a mentor? Do you have a teacher? Do you have someone in your life who has walked the path or taken the journey you want to take?
For example, I have paved the road from living with anxiety and self-doubt to living a fulfilling and inspired life where I feel confident, grounded, free, and very comfortable with who I am so that I am now in control of my life and my happiness. I am a great coach or mentor for women who want that same thing.
What do you want? Get clear on that as you go into the new year. And then find a mentor, teacher, or coach who can guide you. Find a community of like-minded people who are walking the same road.
Get help from someone who will help you get and stay in action and transformation, not just gather more information and knowledge.
Invest in your happiness. I invest every year in my mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. If anxiety or self-doubt is where you still struggle, and you want to focus on how to transform internally, so you can feel more in control of your happiness and inner peace (and you want practical and spiritual life skills), you are welcome to read more about soul subscription and join us starting December 31st. If you are struggling with something else and you need guidance to find someone, reach out to me, and I will do my best to help you.
Day Nine, Anxiety Buster
Don't worry about what other people think about you
I have a note on my desk that says, "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about me. It matters what I think about me".
What you think about yourself will determine what you do. What you think about yourself is something you can learn to have control of. What other people think about you is not up to you. You can't control another person's viewpoint or mind. And when you try, it's easy to lose yourself - and that can increase anxiety and self-doubt.
So today, write down what you want to think and believe about yourself. Write down your values and core beliefs. Read them daily. Practice making decisions from this version of yourself.
*** This blog post is part of a 10-DAY SERIES, Titled "10 DAYS OF JOY"
If you are not already currently subscribed to The JOY BLOG, and you do want to have the Ten Days of JOY delivered to your inbox, plus join my private Facebook group where I'll be going LIVE each day to share more about the daily booster and buster, and receive a special invitation to a LIVE fireside chat with Joy on Tuesday, December 29th, Click HERE to join my Facebook group!
P.S. Let's spread the joy, together. Please SHARE this post with any of the women (or men) in your life!