A Spiritual Tool for Healthy RelationshipsJul 28, 2020
Relationships can be complicated. Especially for an anxious person.
As an anxious person, relationships were always hard for me. I’d vacillate between isolation & enmeshment. Both ends of the spectrum motivated by intense worry about what other people thought of me.
I believed I had to be perfect BEFORE I could let anyone get close. I’d morph into whoever I thought people wanted me to be, which became an extreme source of suffering and more anxiety.
It's interesting to note that the root of heal is “to make whole". Feeling whole, will not only heal anxiety, but it is also the remedy for the limiting beliefs, thoughts, and worries that can cause it to arise.
So how do we heal?
There are of course many factors and variables to our individual healing. However, relationships are universal, and play a vital role in our wellbeing - no matter who we are.
For me things changed when I really “got it” that the relationship I have with myself is the most important one. This is true for each and every one of us. The essential relationship is the one we have with our own Soul. The quality of which will influence every other relationship we have, and it needs tending to every single day.
- When we feel empty, anxiety rises.
- When we feel complete, anxiety decreases.
But, paradoxically, the quality of our relationship with ourselves - including our inner Self - will always include the balancing of our relationships with others, and the world around us.
About 9 years ago I discovered a beautiful model of healing
The 7 yajna model - rooted in yoga psychology - which is one of the most ancient modalities for healing on the planet today. Yajna, translated in English, means “relationships which nourish our soul”.
You may find you are balanced in one relationship, but not in another. The ongoing-practice is to find, and maintain, balance in all areas of our relationships so that our soul is nourished, and our mind is steady.
- Rituals: Daily practices that bring us deeper into relationship with who we truly are, and our joy.
- Teacher: Helps us see, and express our inner joy, calm, and truth. Holds up a mirror for our own clarity and exploration.
- Tribe: Like-minded, positive community to share, connect, and grow with in a safe and supportive environment.
- Friends: A few people (1-3) close souls who we count on during struggles, and celebrate with during triumph. People who see all of us, and love us deeply no matter what.
- Partner: That one person who makes us laugh, sees our soul, knows our favorite things, and reminds us how to believe in ourselves - even on days when we feel stuck, afraid and unsure.
- Nature: The great outdoors where we can ground our energy, and connect to something bigger.
- Service: Giving to others in a way that shifts our focus from our head to our heart. Allows us to experience the goodness of the universe through our interconnectedness with others - even people we don't know well.
Think about your own life
- Using the 7 yajna image above, score each of the 7 areas independently on a scale of 1-10, with ten being high.
- Notice where you have low numbers, then choose and commit to one small action you can take, or a choice you can make that will help you increase that number.
By doing so, you are making a great investment in the nourishment of your soul - and therefore your healing.