The happiest people in the world define happiness for themselves.

They put aside what conventional wisdom, society, lifestyle magazines, beauty commercials, or the branding industry tells them they should want or need to be joyful and fulfilled. Instead, their joy, self-esteem, confidence, and success is based on what they regard as meaningful, inspiring, and important.

The happiest people in the world don't look outside of themselves for joy and contentment as must as they look within to the personal values, dreams, and beliefs they hold in their hearts. 

Over the last two decades, the modern science of happiness has challenged the conventional standard that if we work hard (and stress and worry enough) we''ll become successful, and once we become successful, then we'll be happy. 

There are many problems with this theory. But one of the biggest issues is that most of us who fall into the trap of chasing-success-to-find-happiness are chasing the wrong success, and not finding happiness. That's because too many of us are chasing the cookie-cutter definition of success, or someone else's version of happiness, not our own.

Even the ancient yogic book, The Bhagavad Gita (which translates as the Song of God), tells us that it is better to fail at following our own dharma (dreams and desires) than it is to succeed at another person's dharma or definition of success and happiness. 

Yoga tradition teaches that we must define our own Bhavana (vision for our life) as a path to experiencing more happiness and fulfillment - and even to become more self-actualized. It goes on to give us even more hope, and authority over our own joy, by reminding us that the clearer we define our personal, heart-centered, definition of happiness and fulfillment the closer we are to it.

Because when we really believe in something with our whole hearts and souls, we feel it. And what we feel we become. We can even say that the quality of our lives is very much defined by the quality of our emotions.

Day One, Happiness Booster

Define your own definition of happiness! 

I often ask my students to draw a donut. Ninety-nine percent of the women I coach and mentor draw a large circle with a small circle inside of it. When I ask the same group of women to draw happiness, every single woman draws a different picture.

That’s because, unlike the image of a donut, happiness isn’t a universal picture. It varies for each of us. And you are the only one who can define it for you. To become the happiest person you know, it's important that you look into your own heart and get honest with yourself about what makes you truly joyful, fulfilled, and happy.  

Make time this weekend to sit quietly and reflect on what really brings you joy. You can write it down in words in your journal, make a vision board, or draw a picture that represents your happiest life. The key here is to leave out of your vision all objections and obstacles that your ego-mind will conjure up.

Remember your brain's goal is to keep you safe (and very often the same as you were yesterday), not happy. Your heart has the key to your joy, not your brain.

One of the most common objections to happiness is the myth that you will focus on your happiness or wellbeing when life isn't as stressful, or when [blank] is no longer a factor. 

But once you define your definition of happiness for yourself, the next step is to make one small promise to yourself to move toward that vision and follow through on it. Maybe it's you want more social connection. Make a promise that you will have a date with a friend (even if by phone or zoom) once a week or twice a month. 

Your life will not magically organize itself to fit around your dreams. But if you start to define your dreams by looking in your own heart, and keep the promises you make to yourself, your life will begin to be organically and easily redesigned by the very act of keeping your promises

Don't let your brain run the show. Make your heart the master of your life.   

Day One, Anxiety Buster

Stop comparing yourself to others who trigger your self-doubt

Comparison is a huge anxiety producer for many of the women I work with. And for me too! It is a definite way to kill our joy and contract our hearts. 

Therefore, your anxiety tip for today is to limit your social media time. Check it only at designated times throughout the day. AND block or pause anyone who "triggers' the feeling of "not good enough", "not doing enough", or "jealousy and envy" within you. 

As you begin to really live more fully into your own heart defined life, those things won't trigger you as much, but for now, why tempt yourself. Until then, looking at those things is simply a distraction from your joy and happiness. 

*** This blog post is part of a 10-DAY SERIES, Titled "10 DAYS OF JOY"

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